It’s me

Kiersten Lyons is a writer, actress and lactose intolerant from Germantown, Maryland.  She is the second of five kids and like every comedian, a late bloomer. But seriously, she was the last in her entire class of 500 students to get her period. She got it nine days before she turned 16 and has now filled the quota for a female comedian talking about her reproductive system.

Kiersten pursued a degree in musical theater and elementary education at Muhlenberg College but realized at the end of her sophomore year that a piece of paper wouldn’t make her an actress, so she left school to move to Los Angeles. She, of course, waited to move out west until after her 21stbirthday, fulfilling a childhood dream of drinking a mudslide at the Ruby Tuesday’s in Germantown. 

She spent ten years in LA acting, writing and directing. Her most notable roles include being attacked by her pet lion on Grey’s Anatomy, being accused of murdering the husband she shared with her sisterwives on Bones and performing in the one-woman show Crushed: why is it that the boys you like, never like you back? The latter she also wrote and directed, for which it won “Best of Hollywood Fringe”.

Upon seeing it, writer/ producer Dan Fogelman (This is Us, Crazy Stupid Love) immediately cast her in his new sitcom for ABC, after which she immediately got knocked up with her first kid (from her husband, Bradley, that she met at Groundlings, not Mr. Fogelman, the way it was written sounded a little misleading…)

Kiersten now resides in Atlanta and just launched Crushed the Podcast, because after the year that was 2020, aren’t we all asking why is it that the LIFE you like never likes you back? She also is finishing a comedy pilot script on childhood trauma– yes you read that right.

Kiersten is a foster mother, biological mother, adoptive mother and a wife. She just took her very first bathroom selfie, after wearing red lipstick, also for the very first time. She recommends making this choice, and not the Ruby Tuesday’s mudslide, spoiler alert: it was disgusting.

**As Kiersten is writing this, her seven year old asked her to type in “Bluey,” at the end and so she did.